Dintle and her aunt Kutlwano have been at loggerheads about giving up baby Motshabi for adoption. We find out why.
Dintle has made it clear that she doesn’t want to keep her baby – she’d rather give it away so that her life can return to normal. Her aunt on the other hand is adamant that she raises the baby on her own. Kutlwano wants Dintle to find a job and take care of the baby.
We chat to Dintle and Kutlwano to get their perspectives on adoption.
What are your views on adoption?
Dintle: Obviously for us black people, especially those who live in the township, we’re not familiar with adoption. But I believe if you can’t cope it’s better to give the child to people who will be able to give him or her a better future.
Kutlwano: It feels like getting rid of the child. It’s like abandoning your own child and not taking full responsibility. There’s a lovely Tswana saying, ‘Kga gona lebitla la tlala’ – no matter how poor you are, the child will still grow up. I believe even if there’s no money in the house, the child will be fine.
Do you think it’s a sign of weakness?
Dintle: Not really. I think it’s something that one becomes conscious of. I realized I cannot take care of the baby because of financial problems. I’m still a teenager myself. I also wanna live my life. This child was a mistake. I don’t think it’s a sign of weakness. I know that I can’t cope. The best thing for me is to give the child away.
Kutlwano: Yes. It’s a disgrace. You’ll never know what will become of your child. That child might be the one to take care of you tomorrow. In order for a teenager not to go out and get another child you have to give them a hard time so that they don’t make the same mistake again.
Do you think baby Motshabi will be better off if she was adopted?
Dintle: Yes, I think so because I know Tino and Erin are good people. She’s better off with them. I just wanna live my life. This child is a burden.
Kutlwano: No, I don’t think so. I will never be at peace knowing that we’ve given the baby to someone else. I don’t believe that at all. I want Dintle to work hard and provide for that child herself.
Do you think the adoptive parents will be able to love her like their own?
Dintle: I honestly think that Tino and Erin will love her more than me. They have chosen to look into adopting because they can’t have a child of their own. I think giving them baby Motshabi will make them love her even more. They know that this is their only chance at being parents. So I think they would love her more than I do.
Kutlwano: No, I don’t think they’ll love her like we can. I fear that they might start abusing her. They might use her as their slave.
What do you think is the most difficult part about adoption?
Dintle: I think the most difficult part is saying goodbye and giving the baby away. When we talk about it, it sounds easy, like you’re just getting rid of the baby. But when you actually have to leave the baby with the new family, it’s not easy.
Kutlwano: It’s like failing to accept your own child. How will that child feel growing up knowing their mother gave her up? They will always have self-esteem issues. The difficult part will be knowing that one day that child will know that you didn’t love her enough, you didn’t want her.
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